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Hakuna kitu tricky kama kuwa MCA Hapa Kenya. 

MCA
MCA

KDRTV-Being an Member of County Assembly ni ngori juu ya ngori
Yaani immediately after results kutangazwa ukifika home unapatana na watu 1500 wamekungoja ati Wanataka kukucongratulate.

Unafurahi sana coz Unajua you’re a man of the people. Unabuy mchele mob wanapikiwa wanakula wanaenda.

But hujui hapo ndo shida zimeanza. Asubuhi ukiamka utapatana na watu 179 kwa mlango yako. Kila mtu amekam na shida yake na anataka umskize. My friend hapo ndo utajua Kenyans have problems.

Kuna mwenye Hana viatu, anataka umbuyie, Kuna yule anataka capital ya kuanza business ya kuchoma mahindi. Kuna mwenye sijui akitembea anaskia kuchoka choka anataka pesa aende check up. This will be the norm every morning. At least utakua unapatia watu more than 50k shillings before saa nne ya asubuhi. Hapo itabidi uamue kuanza kutoroka.

Ukitoroka utaskia wakisema tupatane kwa debe. After becoming an MCA, weekends will never be the same. Lazima uende matanga my fren. Coz funerals attract free gatherings where you can carry out your political agenda. Sasa life inaanza kuwa ngumu.

Siku moja ukiwa kwa Ofisi Kuna Dame mrembo kuruka anakam kutafuta bursary ya Campo. Hapo unaamua Kufisia, kidogo kidogo unaskia anaitwa Shantelle, ako 3rd year hapo UOE. Juu mtoto ni mrembo unampatia bursary alafu unapromise kumlipia rent ya Bedsitter Elgon View Estate.

Shetani ameanza mambo yake. Juu blood is thicker than water, unataftia mtoto wa sister yako job ya County. But ako tu na Driving License. So anakua driver kwa Ministry of Agriculture.

Huyu boy wako anajiona mnoma sana anaiba gari ya serikali anaenda Kuona mrembo wake Nakuru. Anafika huko anapewa mapenzi Hadi anajisahau analate. Akirudi Ana overspeed gari anaanguka hapo Salgaa ANAKUFA. Your enemies start saying you joined illuminati and sacrificed your nephew . Your sister turns against you.

In your second year in office unaamua kufungua KCB Mtaani hapo kwa area yenu. Alafu unakumbuka chief campaigner wako alikuambia utaftie msichana wake mwenye amemaliza form 4 kazi. Unaamua kueka huyo Dame kwa io business yako.

SOMA TENA:Sudi on the spot for attempting to grab a 30-acre piece of land 

After six months 200k zinapotea mysteriously from the shop. Unakasirika unafuta dame na kufunga biashara juu it was not making any profits. Chief campaigner wako anaanza kutangaza ati ulifuta msichana wake kazi juu alikukataa. Hapo you’re creating more enemies.

Siku moja mkiwa hapo County assembly mnajadili kubomoa vibanda ziko town, MCA mwenzako akaanza kukupinga, kidogo akaanza matusi.. kidogo kidogo ivi akakufikia mkaanza mangumi. Akakuchapa na kukueka alama inakaa logo ya iPhone kwa forehead. Unakaa unajiuliza mbona akupige ivo. Mwenzako ako na machungu juu ulimnyang’anya ule receptionist wa Diani Beach Hotel, ile time mkiwa induction.

All this time siasa imechacha kwa Kijiji yenu. Your chief campaigner and your sister have teamed up with your opponent. They’re traversing the ward calling your a devil worshipper and a molester. Siku moja unakutana nao kwa matanga.

Unaskia opponent wako akisema utoe millioni tano ya Walemavu ambayo umekula. You know Kuna pesa ya Walemavu but siyo Million tano, na hata hazijatoka. You try explaining yourself to the people but they start booing you.

Unaamua kwenda kwa slay queen wako wa UOE urelax, unafika huko unapata ako na kaboy kametoboa mapua wanavuta weed wakiwa uchi. Nyumba inanuka tu sex. Unajaribu kuzusha but ako kaboy kanaanza kukutusi. Unanyamaza unatoka juu hutaki drama.

Kesho yake unaona hiyo story iko kwa Star Newspaper. “MCA kicked out of Girlfriends House By her Toyboy” Unajam,a unahire goons wanaenda wanachapa huyo boy vibaya Sana.

After three days unapata message inasema. “Buda Niko na screenshots zako ukihire goons, nilipe 500k ama zileak.” Unajaribu juu chini unanegotiate mnakubaliana 7k, unatumia io mtu anonymous. But unaamka morning unapata umeanikwa Kilimani Mums. Io nugu haikuridhika. Unaregret kwa Nini ulituma pesa.

Huko home, wife alichoka kukaribisha wageni na madharau yako ikazidi, akaamua kuhepa. This is after kuchukua pesa zote kwa account. After five years you’re a mess, you are in debt, you’ve very many enemies, your family is gone, uko na pressure.

In fact the only positive thing in your life is HIV..

HABARI NDIO HIO!!!

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